"An Inconvenient Faith" - Hebrews 12:2

"God, bring me clarity." That has been my prayer as of late, and it certainly has been consuming! I have been asking God for clear direction as I wait to see if I am the person God wants at First Baptist Church in the position of Pastor of Spiritual Formation. I have been at FBC for 6 1/2 years as the Pastor of Student Ministries, but have been undergoing a mental shift that started nearly two years ago. God has been clearly moving me in the direction of adult discipleship because I have determined it would have a greater impact on students than what I am currently doing. I don't know if I am going to be at FBC in the role of Pastor of Spiritual Formation. I have applied other places, and I know that the latest I will have been at FBC is late August. I have felt the weight of this over the last several weeks and have had the ugly fears of... "Will I be able to provide for my family!", "Do I have what it takes!", and even entertained the thought of not being qualified for that next step, but these are not true. It is the enemy trying to rob me of my joy and derail my from my pursuit of God. I have asked God... "What is my next step? Is it church planting? Is it FBC? Is it another church seeking someone to bring leadership to adult discipleship? Is it a Senior Pastor somewhere? Is it Seminary? Is it a combination of Seminary and any of the others?" I have been asking for clarity! Well, last night through some dear friends and what God's Spirit was doing in my life, I have found clarity!

God has made it clear to me that I am in the exact place that He wants me... a place of trust! God has me in this place to grow my dependence on Him! He brought to my mind a passage that I have preached many times... Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you do not grow weary and lose heart."

I have asked God for clarity, and He has been giving it to me this whole time, but I wasn't looking. He desires me to look at Jesus! This is the focus of faith! He is the author and perfecter of my trust in Him, so He desires me to look at Him. What have I been looking at? I have been looking at possible future outcomes! I have been focused on what I am going to do if I am without a job in late August! NO! I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. God has me in this exact place to grow me, so this is the place I want to be! People have been saying to me, this must be hard for you. And yes it is, but not for the reasons most people think... It's hard to TRUST! We have a tendency to figure things out on our own, and pretend that we actually provide for ourselves. Trust is a difficult thing and it's an area of my life that I need to grow in, so what does God do... puts me in a place where my faith is tested and I can grow.

So clarity has come! My gaze is to be on my Savior, and when my gaze is fixed there I will not grow weary and lose heart! It's easy to trust God when all is well (convenient faith), but much harder when you realize that you are not in control (inconvenient faith). God is growing me through this inconvenient faith, and I am thankful!

Is your faith being tested? How are you responding?

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