The Desert

This blog is supposed to be authentic, and it is my desire to be a transparent person about my faith journey. I have not blogged since last month for several reasons...some good and some pretty bad! I have been struggling lately! I have allowed my heart to wander away from my God for the last three weeks. I have not been seeking the Lord in the mornings because of my heart's attitude. You know, I blogged about this last month. Our heart has a natural lean away from God because of our sinful nature and the Scriptures have told us to guard our hearts. Well, I have not guarded my heart very well. I have been very selfish and disobedient! I know that I desire God to be Glorified in my life, but at times I get caught up glorifying and gratifying myself. I spent some time talking to the Lord this morning. He is a Gracious God, and is able to bring about restoration after we have allowed our hearts to stray away. Over the last three weeks, I have known all the right things to say to people to help them overcome their issues. I have spoken truth into their lives but found myself not carrying out that truth myself. Yes, its been a desert, but God is my Oasis! He brings times of refreshing and hope! He brings about forgiveness and restoration! He is my living water! My heart has not been right for the past few weeks, and I know that is due to the influence of the evil one. I gave Satan a foothold and my heart began to turn away. I know I'm a pastor, and am held to a higher standard by people and frankly by God, but in the interest of authenticity, I am confessing to you my humanness. I struggle like everyone else. My heart has a bent away from God like everyone else, and it is a welcomed reminder when the Holy Spirit reminds me of my need for dependence on God alone! I have been thirsty and dry, but He has brought life again to my body! He is a gracious God. Some might be asking, "What did he do?" Well, I have been struggling with my thoughts. Its been a rocky road because it has been...a struggle. Fighting not to give in to the temptation of lust (sometimes the battle was won and sometimes it was lost) has taken a toll. Why was this so defeating? Its because I know it is wrong...sinful...a violation of God's command! I love God, but when I give in to the temptation of lust I know that I have violated God's command. The Scripture that keeps popping into my head is "If you love God, you will keep his commands." Call it high expectations or whatever, but I want to keep His commands...PERIOD! I want to live my life in such a way that I shout to God, "I love you more than my...fantasies...selfishness...need for approval!" Can you relate? I know I am not going to be perfect, but I want to move toward perfection. I don't want to give Satan a foothold in that journey, because all he does is suck the life out of me. Maybe I shouldn't share these things, but how authentic is hiding! I am asking you as a reader to help keep me accountable. If I am not blogging regularly, its because I'm busy and not taking the time or struggling. Either way, call or email me to help keep me accountable. My journey took me through the desert these past few weeks, and I don't like the desert. Right now I am on the Oasis under God's shade. I strive to remain there!

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