Why I Do Not Feel Qualified to be a Pastor Sometimes...

I will say that I absolutely love what I do.  I love to study, teach, counsel, encourage, and lead the church toward a particular vision.  There are things in ministry that energize me more or less, but I love it all.  Yet, I feel at times that I am unqualified to do what I do.  Here are a few reasons that periodically run through my head.


  1. I feel as if I let people down way too often, and I hate doing that.  I know that I cannot do everything or even be everywhere, and letting people down comes with the position.  People have their own idea of what your job ought to be and where your time ought to be spent without seeing the totality of your responsibilities.  Yet, why do I feel this way?  It reveals to me one of my insecurities...  I would not say I am a people pleaser, but rather afraid to fail.  All my life I have been performance driven.  I seek after the A, and desire to do things well.  There is nothing wrong with that unless it begins to creep into my identity.  At times I find myself allowing this performance driven mentality to drive my identity, so when I fail at something, I can't help but think, "I am a failure!"  God has brought me a long ways in the past 10 years regarding my identity, but there are still moments that I catch myself placing my identity in my performance instead of my position in Christ.  
  2. I struggle with empathy at times.  This struggle stems back to my past history.  Having a childhood saturated with multiple moves, broken relationships, horrible situations, and living much of that life in fear left its mark on me.  The biggest mark was my fierce movement toward independence.  Growing up I developed friends but then left them because of a move.  I had mostly been involved in sports and longed for support that I did not seem to get.  When I played high school basketball, I do not remember one time anyone came to a game to watch me play.  I began to mentally and emotionally shut people out of my life.  I convinced myself that I did not need anyone anymore.  I moved to Ohio my junior year in High School and Christ found me, gave me new life, and set me on a very different path, but I still struggled with relationships.  I longed for a close relationship with my parents, yet I was too bitter at my mom, and did not know how to develop one with my dad.  All that to say, I did not develop really close relationships with anyone growing up.  I have not felt the sting of a loved one passing away, because I was never close to anyone for long enough to feel that kind of sting.  My heart was sadden when some of my family had passed, but no sting.  The question goes through my head... "How can I truly empathize with someone who feels that sting of death?"  I try my best, and normally sit and listen to the family who is grieving, and am careful to remember that I cannot possibly know what they are really going through.  I can love on them, and empathize with their hurting heart, but I cannot pretend to know their pain.  
  3. I am not smart enough!  It is true, I feel pretty dumb sometimes.  Trivia Crack is bearing this out... haha.  I had studied the Word for a long time, and I have made it my life to discover its meaning and application to contemporary life.  I love theology and enjoy sitting around a table discussing some of the deeper things of theology.  Yet, I allow the reality that I am only 50 credit hours into my Mdiv to affect my thinking.  Am I really qualified to lead people to understanding and experiencing a Holy and Awesome God without my masters degree?  I struggle with my memory, mainly because I do not pay enough attention to details I see as irrelevant at the time.  I am a slow reader... I generally have to read things twice to get it.  All this combined makes me think that I am not smart enough to pastor people.  
Don't get me wrong, I do not walk around with my head down all the time wondering these thoughts, but I would be lying if I said I never struggle with these things.  However, here is what I do know:

  1. God has called me to this unique place of service!  He has burdened me with people and leading them to a deeper understanding and obedience to three commands:
    • Love God with all of who you are!
    • Love people like you would want to be loved!
    • Make disciples of all people by going, baptizing, and teaching them to be obedient to Christ.
  2. God has gifted me for this unique place of service.  I do not pretend to be the best teacher.  There are a lot of people who are smarter, more articulate, and more engaging than me, but God has used me through exercising that gift in ways I cannot claim has come from me.  I praise God that He uses us for His Glory and for His Mission.
  3. I must be obedient to what I know.  I love what I do, and God is at work at FBC of Lowell!  I cannot think of a better mission to serve than God's mission, or better people to lead than those God has given responsibility to shepherd.  
So am I thinking about bailing because of these moments of insecurity... Not a chance!  I just need to bring those insecurities into obedience to Christ when they find me at my most vulnerable times.  Do I have what it takes to do this job?  Yes I do... I have Christ in me, my hope of Glory.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power at work within us, to Him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!"  Eph. 3:20-21

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